Funny how things keep coming back, or never really go away. Spend so much time trying to get away from something just to have it come back all at once as if it was never gone.
It's not that I don't want to remember, that's not it at all. It's just that I spent so long keeping things buried that I don't know how else to deal with it. Keeping it buried isn't going to work anymore and I'm not so sure that I want it to anymore anyway. I'm still on a rather long road of learning who I am again and keeping feelings in check just isn't a good way of doing that.
No matter what comes of it I need to explore everything I'm feeling, even if in the end it doesn't matter to anyone but me.
Yes, I know that was a little vague, and it will probably only make sense to one person other than myself but this is my world you're just visiting. So :P
Lists are spiffy
Lifted this from someone else on another site and you can't stop me.
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you read the word:
1. Beer - Um, no thanks.
2. McDonalds - McNuggets w/Hot Mustard, please.
3. Love - *blank stare*
4. Lust - That would be nice.
5. Power Rangers - Go, Go Power Strangers! You mighty stupid Power Strangers.
6. Weed - Ortho Weed-B-Gone
7. Steroids - "We are here to PUMP you up!"
8. Cartoons - ReBoot is coming back!
9. The President - He would be funny if he weren't in charge.
10. Tupperware - It's a cult I tell you, a cult.
11. Florida - Been there, done that, didn't get the t-shirt.
12. Santa Claus - HO HO HO, or was that Yo Ho Ho? I can't remember.
13. Halloween - It always rains.
14. Alice - The Red Queen
15. Grammar - Nazis?
16. Myspace - Taken the place of AOL, a necessary evil.
17. Lime - Kermit The Frog... YAY!
19. Paris - Overhyped.
20. Cheese - Like it, hates me.
21. Red Heads - Yummy
22. Blondes - Nothing against them.
23. Class - undeclared
24. Sports - eh
25. Neverland - Tinkerbell
26. Pixies - Boston, MA
27. Vanilla - Ice Cream
29. Hooters - Never been
30. Pajamas - Naked
31. Underwear - Rather not, thanks.
32. Wet Socks - SQUISH!
33. Significant other - *blank stare*
34. Best Friend - Moving
35. Kids - You can have mine, I don't want him.
36. Bugs - Another necessary evil.
37. Roller Coasters - Bring it on!
38. Fun - Opposite of work.
39. Anger - No thanks.
40. Looks or personality - I have personality... you'd better, too. :)
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you read the word:
1. Beer - Um, no thanks.
2. McDonalds - McNuggets w/Hot Mustard, please.
3. Love - *blank stare*
4. Lust - That would be nice.
5. Power Rangers - Go, Go Power Strangers! You mighty stupid Power Strangers.
6. Weed - Ortho Weed-B-Gone
7. Steroids - "We are here to PUMP you up!"
8. Cartoons - ReBoot is coming back!
9. The President - He would be funny if he weren't in charge.
10. Tupperware - It's a cult I tell you, a cult.
11. Florida - Been there, done that, didn't get the t-shirt.
12. Santa Claus - HO HO HO, or was that Yo Ho Ho? I can't remember.
13. Halloween - It always rains.
14. Alice - The Red Queen
15. Grammar - Nazis?
16. Myspace - Taken the place of AOL, a necessary evil.
17. Lime - Kermit The Frog... YAY!
19. Paris - Overhyped.
20. Cheese - Like it, hates me.
21. Red Heads - Yummy
22. Blondes - Nothing against them.
23. Class - undeclared
24. Sports - eh
25. Neverland - Tinkerbell
26. Pixies - Boston, MA
27. Vanilla - Ice Cream
29. Hooters - Never been
30. Pajamas - Naked
31. Underwear - Rather not, thanks.
32. Wet Socks - SQUISH!
33. Significant other - *blank stare*
34. Best Friend - Moving
35. Kids - You can have mine, I don't want him.
36. Bugs - Another necessary evil.
37. Roller Coasters - Bring it on!
38. Fun - Opposite of work.
39. Anger - No thanks.
40. Looks or personality - I have personality... you'd better, too. :)
Showing off my work space
Just thought I'd show you all what I stare at when I don't have a bunch of program windows open. Not that you all care or anything but I'm feeling geeky and it's what we geeky people do. Kind of like showing off pictures of your car, or something I guess. *shrug*
Orinoco Flow
I think some of the questions are a little oddly worded, and one I'm not sure I understand, but I like the 'sample of your music' aspect and somehow a lot of these made sense to me as they got answered.
Directions:
1. Put your iPod, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'IS THIS OKAY' YOU SAY?
Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Stay Up Late - Talking Heads
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
You Can't Put Your Arm Around A Memory - Johnny Thunders
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Cheer Up Sleepy Jean - The Monkeys
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Superman's Song - Crash Test Dummies
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
I Know You By Heart - Eva Cassidy
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Padded Cell - Pulley
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Flirting - Jess Klein
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Too Little Too Late - Barenaked Ladies
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Egg - Mr. Bungle
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
Alone - Heart
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The Rose - Bette Midler
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
That I Would Be Good - Alanis Morissette
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
You Mustn't Kick It Around - Erin McKeown
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Fever For The Flava - Hot Action Cop
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Vogue - Madonna
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Jesse's Girl - Rick Springfield
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Daughter - Pearl Jam
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Bailamos - Enrique Iglesias
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Life In A Northern Town - The Dream Academy
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Orinoco Flow - Enya
Directions:
1. Put your iPod, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'IS THIS OKAY' YOU SAY?
Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Stay Up Late - Talking Heads
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
You Can't Put Your Arm Around A Memory - Johnny Thunders
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Cheer Up Sleepy Jean - The Monkeys
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Superman's Song - Crash Test Dummies
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
I Know You By Heart - Eva Cassidy
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Padded Cell - Pulley
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Flirting - Jess Klein
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Too Little Too Late - Barenaked Ladies
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Egg - Mr. Bungle
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
Alone - Heart
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The Rose - Bette Midler
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
That I Would Be Good - Alanis Morissette
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
You Mustn't Kick It Around - Erin McKeown
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Fever For The Flava - Hot Action Cop
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Vogue - Madonna
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Jesse's Girl - Rick Springfield
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Daughter - Pearl Jam
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Bailamos - Enrique Iglesias
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Life In A Northern Town - The Dream Academy
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Orinoco Flow - Enya
Letting my subconscious do all the talking
Full circle and then some. That's where I am now or maybe not quite all the way round just yet. Hard to say from my point of view; back here where I went to get a new perspective. Just a little too far back to tell for sure. Either way, the road looks familiar, well traveled, and almost comfortable in a "this is something I know how to do" way.
Putting things back together is supposed to give you a chance to make it right or at least better. That would seem to be the idea. Learning, growing; is that what I'm doing or am I just telling myself that so I don't notice the rationalizations. I'm me, so I'm sure it's a little of both and I won't know which I've done more of until someone points it out to me.
Turning the camera inward, taking snapshots just enough out of focus to make it all clear when given only a passing glance. That would be how everything feels to me at the moment. How they've felt for months now. Building a jigsaw puzzle without a guide, using pieces from different boxes, and trimming bits when they don't quite fit. Despite the mess it seems to be forming it's my hope that from the outside, when I'm done, my efforts will turn out much like the works of Seurat; and perhaps look at least half as appealing to someone other than myself.
Putting things back together is supposed to give you a chance to make it right or at least better. That would seem to be the idea. Learning, growing; is that what I'm doing or am I just telling myself that so I don't notice the rationalizations. I'm me, so I'm sure it's a little of both and I won't know which I've done more of until someone points it out to me.
Turning the camera inward, taking snapshots just enough out of focus to make it all clear when given only a passing glance. That would be how everything feels to me at the moment. How they've felt for months now. Building a jigsaw puzzle without a guide, using pieces from different boxes, and trimming bits when they don't quite fit. Despite the mess it seems to be forming it's my hope that from the outside, when I'm done, my efforts will turn out much like the works of Seurat; and perhaps look at least half as appealing to someone other than myself.
Just want to MUCK around
In search of a good/active MUSH/MUCK/MOO/etc... MUDs need not apply
If any of you all don't feel lost at the mention of the above words and know where I might find a good place to get my feet wet, again, let me know.
Many many years ago I was a regular on otherMUSH, but it would seem to have faded away in my absence, so much so that there are no traces left (that I can find). Now if I'm wrong and someone knows where to find it, I would love to move back into my electrical well. Alas, though, I believe it to be long since gone.
Also, if anyone can recommend a good client for Mac OS, that too would be appreciated. Not that I'm against the telnet command but managing scripts with copy/paste can be a real pain as I remember it.
If any of you all don't feel lost at the mention of the above words and know where I might find a good place to get my feet wet, again, let me know.
Many many years ago I was a regular on otherMUSH, but it would seem to have faded away in my absence, so much so that there are no traces left (that I can find). Now if I'm wrong and someone knows where to find it, I would love to move back into my electrical well. Alas, though, I believe it to be long since gone.
Also, if anyone can recommend a good client for Mac OS, that too would be appreciated. Not that I'm against the telnet command but managing scripts with copy/paste can be a real pain as I remember it.
Digging up the past, one text file at a time
I've been going through files on my computer; stuff that has followed me around for a long time. Some of these files started their existence on an Atari 520ST 20 years ago. Trippy but true.
A few of the files contain random clippings from conversations that took place over IRC, mostly on Undernet in the late 90's. One, in particular, has things I used as quit messages and late night channel topics. Things that after I typed them looked like they might be worth keeping. Reading them now I have to admit most of them weren't but a few aren't too bad.
This is one of my favorites.
"Built my bed of foolish dreams, empty hopes and silly things. Lay my head on a pillow of tears, kept warm by a blanket of fears."
According to the date stamp I put on it that came from May 02, 1998 at 0040 EDT. How's that for keeping track of things. If only notes were that good for everything. Oh well...
That is all. Maybe I'll post more later but probably not.
g'night everyone... whoever you are.
A few of the files contain random clippings from conversations that took place over IRC, mostly on Undernet in the late 90's. One, in particular, has things I used as quit messages and late night channel topics. Things that after I typed them looked like they might be worth keeping. Reading them now I have to admit most of them weren't but a few aren't too bad.
This is one of my favorites.
"Built my bed of foolish dreams, empty hopes and silly things. Lay my head on a pillow of tears, kept warm by a blanket of fears."
According to the date stamp I put on it that came from May 02, 1998 at 0040 EDT. How's that for keeping track of things. If only notes were that good for everything. Oh well...
That is all. Maybe I'll post more later but probably not.
g'night everyone... whoever you are.
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