Shoes just keep dropping

Some days are easier than others, some days I don't even have to think about it. On other days the other shoe drops and just keeps dropping.

Of course there was a time in my life when I didn't have to brace myself, with each new person I met, for that inevitable moment when they would say or do something that would show that they couldn't be trusted. Display that they did not see me or people like me as part of their tribe, or even see me as a person at all. At least that's what I tell myself when I think back on my childhood, as there are large chunks of it of which I have no memory. It has to be the case, though, as I didn't always know I wasn't straight, or cis, or monogamous.

There was a point in my life where I lived and worked in the queer-Mecca of my area. So long as I didn't venture outside of that area, and I rarely did, I didn't have to worry about or even think about what aspects of myself I presented, how, and to whom. Almost everyone I interacted with was open-minded and accepting of other people just as they are. Or at the very least they put on a good show. Those that weren't accepting were so outnumbered that even if you could see their disapproval on their face they wouldn't dare say anything.

Don't misunderstand, where I live now isn't too bad or maybe it's just that everyone is too worried about their problems to spend time bothering anyone else. Where I work, on the other hand, is a totally different story. I'll just say that the business I work in is stereotyped as one that would attract “good ol' boys” both as customers and employees. Obviously, not everyone I work with is an issue, nor is every customer. Though that's the thing about waiting for the other shoe to drop, isn't it? You don't know until you know. And not a week goes by that I don't get to learn that someone else isn't safe.

There is very little about myself that I'm out about at work. I don't hide that I'm an atheist; I have a flying spaghetti monster badge on my car's trunk lid as well as both an "Athiest Inside" and an A in a circle vinyl decal on the back window. I know at least one of my co-workers is an atheist. She is also one of the very few people at work that I'm out to about anything else. The other two are the HR person and, as far as I know, the only Pagan there.

Being pansexual and genderfluid are things I keep very close to the vest. Most work days fail to pass without me having to listen to one or more people go on about their homophobic or transphobic ideas and stories. I spend each day knowing that people who treat me as one of their own actually hate me, find me disgusting, think of me as not a person, etc; or would if they knew to. I hear how they speak about me without knowing it. How they speak about my friends, my partner, and people I care about, but just don't know it. They call me friend, buddy, pal. Say they appreciate what I do for them. All the while making it very clear that I don't measure up to what it means to be human to them.

Things that make you go "WTF mate?"

So yesterday my supervisor calls me into his cube to deliver my end of year evaluation. I wasn't too worried about it and turns out I didn't do too badly. YAY!

Nothing WTF about that, right? (the answer is 'no, that's normal, you're good at your job' kthxbi) Right.

The weird and wacky comes in at the point where while at work I am informed that there is a rumor which says 'one of the single ladies here is interested in you'. That may not have been the exact wording, but it covers the idea pretty well.

Say it with me now: WTF mate?!?

I was not told who it was (even though the person who told me led me to believe they knew), nor was I told where this person got this information, but it's pretty weird all the same.

*shrug* Not sure what the point was of giving me this information if they're not going to tell me who it is, but perhaps it's not supposed to make sense to me.

More if I ever hear more. Not that I expect to.

Unplanned days off are nifty...

This post contains a slight spoiler for Eagle Eye - you have been warned.

So my day starts off a little earlier than usual with a call from one of the supervisors at work to advise me that the time off I'd put in for today was approved last minute. This was nice not only in that I didn't want to go in any way, as I would have had to sit through a meeting that I already sat through on Tuesday when I was there for overtime, but nice that he called to tell me so that I wouldn't drive all the way out there for no reason.

So I get up and decide to do something with the day. A few text messages, phone calls, and failed attempts later I end up just a few minutes away from work at the home of someone I work with, the same person that invited me to the evening of Rock Band about a month ago. Then from there, we go to see the movie Eagle Eye. Not a bad film really. Shia LaBeouf really is turning out to be a decent 'incidental action hero'. The storyline is revisiting the same one that The Terminator series of movies is based on "what happens if we let our technology think for us...what happens if we don't". Hope that wasn't too much of a spoiler.

Much talking was done, much fun was had, or at least I had fun... I shouldn't speak for my companion for the day as they might see it differently and aren't here to rebut my statement.

So after that, I wandered off to the local Best Buy and did what one is supposed to do at Best Buy when one has no money, play video games. They had a drum kit connected to a console running Rock Band, so I got some time on the sticks... actually a lot better at it than on the guitar but then my coordination has always been better when performing similar tasks with both hands. The more I play the game the more I seriously think about getting it. I really do enjoy it and it wouldn't hurt to do something that requires me to tax my coordination from time to time; might improve it a little. Besides maybe if I limber my fingers up again I can get back to trying to teach myself to play a real guitar.

Bedtime now... dreaming of being awoken tomorrow with the same phone call; what to do if that happens? Who knows?

Clicky Clicky

For the last few weeks, I have been dealing with my mouse misbehaving. I would try to only click once, it felt that was not enough and would double click about 30% of the time. So today I decided to replace it. Got a new Mighty Mouse (yes, I do think about the cartoon every time I hear the name). I could have gotten a cheaper mouse with a scroll wheel but that wouldn't have been as much fun as having a mouse named after a rodent superhero on my desk, now would it? *grin*

While I was out today (well it was actually the reason I went out) I looked around for a MIDI controller keyboard with a USB interface. Who knew it would be next to impossible to find one. The only one I found that wasn't in the $400+ dollar range was a rather clumsy and it had mini keys. So I had to order one. So in about a week (I'm not going to pay for express shipping) I'll have a nifty new CME M-Key and I can then get back to my remixing. Well, I can get farther anyway. I tried to use the onscreen keyboard and I tried using key mapping but it just wasn't working out. I also have the feeling that I'm going to soon be feeling the limits of my somewhat outdated machine. I'll get by well enough for now, though.

Now, now it is bedtime. For some reason that I don't understand I agreed to overtime tomorrow, in the morning no less, helping out a class of new hires that just hit the floor. I think they're video agents, which means they're going to need all the help they can get. For a company whose core product is video, our training for video troubleshooting to the people that take the calls leaves a lot to be desired.

Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water...

Where to start... at the start of the day I suppose.

Here goes:

First break of the day I walk past my supervisor's cube to say hi. He looked annoyed, so I poke the bear to see what's up. He's been emailed about a meeting he wants to attend about the status of support and upcoming changes in service for one of the products my company offers. Says he can't attend because he has to go to a different meeting for other supervisors in our department. Seeing that his bosses boss will be at that one, he can't exactly skip out on it. I get a look at the agenda for the meeting he wants to go to and I want to go too. So I joke that he should send me in his place to take notes...

20 minutes later I'm in the meeting taking notes.

Now I figure I'm just there to make sure our department doesn't miss out on anything that might come up, so I'm sitting there playing secretary like a good little front-line employee with my mouth shut; until I notice that the woman heading the meeting is looking at me oddly, with this 'why aren't you saying anything' look on her face. Now she knows I'm just a tech support rep and knows I'm there as a placeholder for my supervisor. The look continues, so eventually, I pipe up with what I thought were obvious comments. Nothing I can talk about, as it's all about things we, as a company. haven't done publicly yet but still, I figured I'd get a few nods of the 'at least he's on the same page' kind and we'd move on. Nope, she starts taking notes... and I'm sitting right across from her; I can see the notes, they aren't like the ones you think your shrink is making about you, she is actually writing down what I'm saying.

*blink* *blink*

So moving on to other topics and other things all together which are (I figure) totally out of my place to say anything. Now those of you that have spent any time face to face with me know my 'I'm not gonna say anything, but I've got something to say' look. Apparently, she saw it too because she starts looking at me again. So open mouth take up 5 minutes of the conversation. Then off to other things and such.

All in all a very weird experience. Not what I was expecting at all. Maybe next month he won't be able to go again. That was fun.

Now after the meeting and before I get back to my desk I catch up with my sup briefly and he tells me that something he'd asked me about a week ago got approved. I and one of my co-workers will be teaching a training class for video only reps to prepare them for taking internet and telephone support calls.

*blink*

I didn't think there was any way in hell that would work out. I didn't think the people in training liked me. I still don't think they do. No idea what that's about. Starting the 15th I'm a trainer, at least for one class. This is the second time they've let me loose on a room full of people to warp their minds to my will. Muahahahaha!

O'kay, so strangeness abounds and astounds... but that's not all, oh no.

So I just grab a hot dog for lunch and take it back to my desk. Don't really feel like being out and about at the time so there I am at my desk and I get messaged by a co-worker inviting me to attend a gathering they're planning for Saturday evening.

So what, you say? Well, point one I haven't spent time in public with someone since my girlfriend moved and this person is inviting me into a group setting with people that are probably not people we work with so they're freely and knowingly subjecting their friends to me. Scary, I know, but it's true. Wrap all of that up into the weirdness this day has been up to this point and I'm waiting for Rod Serling to come out and start narrating.

So as my night winds down to a close I'm trying to figure out just what in the halibut just happened here.

Stuff and Things, and Things and Stuff

Work had this annoying work like quality that I couldn't quite shake. Ended the night at the lead desk talking to people who just wouldn't take no for an answer. I told them no anyway because that's just what I do.

After work stopped in on the tail end of a friendly like person's pre-birthday gathering. There was BBQ and it was good. I think I missed all the fun but I caught the chill, so happiness happened.

Now I'm home and my kitty decided to grace me with her presence, as cats sometimes do.

Next is bed. Maybe now, maybe soon, but defiantly bed.

Getting back In the saddle

I haven't done any training, really, since teaching office procedure and register operations when I was working for Food Lion and it's been a long time since I've done instruction with a group. I forgot how hard it was to teach a room and not a subject. The frustrating part is that I have to 'dumb down' a lot of things to people that, by nature of where we are and that they are even there for me to be talking to, I should not need to.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame them. I'm a geek, I'm an A/V geek at heart. I know most of what I know because I want to, not because I was required to for work. I blame training for not actually teaching these people what they need to understand their job.

It's a process; can't fix it all overnight. Being at the start of change means looking past what is to what can be, no, what will be. My supervisor would be so proud.

Blind leading the blind?

Apparently, the document that the little group I'm in at work was approved as today I and one other member of the group hosted our first refresher training class. Have another tomorrow. There are others scheduled over the next week or two and I'll be acting as instructor in a few of those as well it seems. Some of them are for days I'm not there or scheduled during my lunch break.

The schedule for tomorrow's class was given to me shortly before leaving, as well as the time that I'm allotted to be off the phone. On a plus note, I'm off the phone from the end of my first break until the start of my lunch. yay Also apparently one of the people in tomorrow's class is a lead. I'm not sure how I feel about teaching someone that's supposed to be over me but at the same time, this guy didn't do video support long (if at all) before becoming a lead so I can't fault him for not knowing much about it.

Towel Day 2008

I'm not sure if I should be worried or not.

I took my towel to work, as one would expect on Towel Day but despite it being rather large and very brightly colored, no one said a word, or even looked at me oddly. I'm not sure if it's a sign that I work with more Douglas Adams fans than I know or if everyone just thinks me so weird as to think nothing of seeing me carry around a really big bright towel for no apparent reason what so ever.

I'm noticing a pattern here

Second Sunday in a row I've been asked to fill in at the lead desk. One of the leads said they might have me do it every Sunday to cover for the meal breaks of two leads. With the number of people we have on the floor on Sunday night having three leads at any one time is probably a good idea.

Not sure how I got put in this position but it o'kay with me. A little change of pace. Don't really like taking escalation calls but I guess you have to take the bad with the good.

When it rains it pours and I forgot my slicker

So my old supervisor walks up to me today and says the following all in one breath "So I'm part of a group that will be reviewing the current video training and I recommended you to be part of it. I hope that's o'kay." Then tells me she'll let me know and walks off.

*blink* eh?

About two hours later I get an appointment request via Outlook asking if I'll attend a meeting tomorrow.

*blink* *blink* and again I say, eh?

Now don't get me wrong, I told my current supervisor that I wanted to sit in on a video training class and help rework the process. People coming up to the floor are so lost doing video, something has to change. I just didn't actually expect anyone to take me seriously. Certainly not this fast.

*blink*

Assume the position

Last night at work, for the last hour of my shift, I was asked to sit at the lead desk while one of the two leads on duty went on their dinner break.

Not so sure what to think about it, actually. I think perhaps I'm just not used to the idea that some of the people I work with/for look at me as more than just another phone jockey. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it and I was just the most qualified phone jockey available at the moment. :)

Anyway, off today, off tomorrow, back Wednesday to the same ol' same ol'. Weeeee

It's all fun and games until someone gets promoted

Had my first meeting (all be it an informal one) with my new supervisor. His name is Charles, everyone calls him Chilly. I don't. Just seems weird. He's a decent guy from what I can tell. Just recently made supervisor. I think he's qualified.

In this meeting, he kept talking about 'doing things differently' and being a test bed for a new way of running teams. All fine and good, as some things really do need to change. Problem is the manager for my part of the call center is going to be watching him and what he's doing, thus what his team and so what I'm doing. I like being under the radar around there; this is not under the radar.

Now on a positive note, Charles says that he intends to try and make better use of my experience which could help lead me to other positions on the end. For now, though, it really just means more work without more pay, and getting noticed by people that I might not really want to get noticed by.

Such is life, I guess.

Moving on up... ?

After over a year on the call floor, I was finally asked to be a roamer (suicide watch for new hires) for the last hour or so of my shift. My last supervisor kept saying that he would make sure things like that happened but it never did. He was my sup for about a year. My new sup has only been so for just over a month... go new sup!

I don't know if it's a big deal, or not, really but it is the first step to being a Lead Assist, and then eventually a Lead. Which if I stay in my department there aren't a lot of other options for advancement.

It was a good hour off the phone and I actually do like helping people, which is why I do what I do. So it's all good.

Just a shame it took so long.

Killing time

Had an interview today to transfer to a different department. I guess it went well. I won't know for about three weeks though.

Right now I'm sitting in a mall food court wasting as much time as I can so I can go back and pick-up my girlfriend from work at 22:00. Time is crawling... argh. The mall will close soon, then I'll have a whole hour to wait.

Oh well, was nice to have a day to myself that didn't get spent on the couch watching TV.

Why schedule an appointment

It's 08:30, their appointment window is 08:00 to 10:00. I'm here, they're not. I call the number on the account to make sure (it's early, someone might have overslept) and am told by the person on the phone that they will be here in 15 minutes.

WHAT?!?

If you can not BE HOME for the entirety of your appointment window then don't schedule the appointment in that window. We work seven days a week, surely there's one day that you can be home for a whole two hours. If there isn't then you obviously don't have enough time to use our service anyway.

ARGH!!!

*wait* *wait* *wait*

There is no snow in March, I don't know what you're talking about.

I woke to rain, rain that became sleet, sleet that became hail, hail that became snow. It's snowing in the middle of March. That is wrong. I live in southeast Virginia, there is no March snow here. This is just wrong. To top that off, all (and I mean ALL) of downtown Norfolk is without power, so Nextel's phone systems are totally dead (guess they never heard of backups) so my radio is out, direct connect is out, and the only working phone I have is my personal one. If it weren't that my work laptop's primary connect was via Sprint I'd be working in the dark as it were.

Anyway, I'm sitting at the Virginia Beach oceanfront with no work to do until 16:00, and I'm BORED!

That is all.

Little bit of everthing

First, I ran into this quiz on someone else's blog and wondered how mine would come out. It came out just like I thought it would.

You scored as Fall. You are FALL. You appreciate all that you have and are willing to share with others. You are a friend in the truest sense of the word, and can easily focus your attention on those who need you, placing yourself on the back burner. You make sure your responsibilities are met before you allow yourself free time. Fall 100% Winter 70% Summer 55% Spring 30% What Season Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

Ok, I know, all this time with nothing and I'm posting a quiz result. I think it's appropriate though. These last few months have taught me a lot about myself. At the very least shown me that I am who I think I am. So it makes sense to me and I'm the only one that it has to make sense to, no?

Alright, what have I been up to? Mostly work, lots of work. I really don't like my job or more I don't like the company I work for. That's fine though, as I don't know how much longer I'll be with them. I just don't like having to sacrifice quality for speed, and that's what they want.

Money sucks. Not having it sucks. Having to have it sucks. I don't want anything to do with it. I'm kind of stuck with it but I still don't want to deal with it.

I've come to the realization that I really don't have any friends anymore. There are people that were my friends; I still care about them and I'm sure at least some of them still care about me. We don't talk anymore, though. Not sure if that's my fault, their fault, or really no one's fault. Doesn't matter really. Fact is that we don't and that sucks. I don't even have anyone I would call a friend at work. Sure there are a few people I get along with and even like, but I work a rather solitary job. I see my coworkers briefly, in the morning, and in the evening. Otherwise, I work alone. With my schedule, it means that the only person I really get to spend any time with is my girlfriend. I adore her to no end but as much as she means to me she can't be everything to me. It's not possible and it's not healthy to try. Nothing much to do about it right now, though, but deal with it until things change.

Speaking of her, some interesting things have occurred in our relationship. Nothing bad; in fact, I think in some ways it's made us closer or at least made us realize how close we already are. Definitely interesting, though.

Otherwise, I'm not really sure what to say. I've gotten so out of the habit of writing, anything at all, that I don't really know how to do it anymore. Probably should work on that but I'm not going to say that I will as that will most certainly assure that I won't.

A whole lot about nothing

I know, I know, I haven't posted anything in a while. Yes, a lot has happened but at the same time, not much has changed. I've moved out of my parents home, and into an apartment. My girlfriend and I are mostly settled in, though there are a few things we have yet to move. My work schedule just hasn't allowed it yet but hopefully soon.

Work sucks as work tends to do. The heat sucks, the rain sucks, the customers suck... all the usual.

Oddly enough I don't have all that much to say, which is why I haven't posted anything in a while. Oh well, thought I would let people know I was still alive. More when there is more.

"and he had high hopes"

Today was the end of my ladder training, which means today I had to climb up a 28' extension ladder that I propped against a suspended steel cable, tie myself off to the top of it, then come back down and bring the ladder back down.

This was NOT something I was looking forward to. It's not so much that I'm afraid of heights, it's unstable structures that unnerve me. When you're climbing up that ladder, and that steel cable is moving around more like cotton thread, it doesn't feel too stable.

Anyway, it wasn't a pretty sight, but I did it all, didn't really mess anything up, and came back down under my own power. So all is well.

Over time it's something I'll get used to, but it will never be something that I'll like.